Lose Weight Fast! (for a minute…)

In my experience working with clients who want to lose weight, I am often asked about the “quick” weight loss gimmicks. Uh, they are called gimmicks for a reason. There are those who swear by some of these weight loss miracles and claim they lost xx amount of pounds in a short amount of time. They forgot to mention the weight came back when they stopped doing whatever they were doing. To be fair, I thought I would list a few of the more popular ways to lose weight and keep it off for a minute.

Body wrapping.     unnamed

This is where you spread mushed seaweed, mud or some other organic substance on your body, wrap said body in cling wrap and wait. Hours will pass by and you will wonder if you’ve lost weight, eliminated cellulite and cleansed all the toxins from your system. When you start to feel like a ripe vegetable, remove the plastic wrap and if you aren’t too weak, you will see that OMG! You’ve lost a quarter inch from your waist! Don’t get too excited, when you drink a gallon of water to quench the dehydration this can cause, BAM! That quarter inch comes right back. You can visit a salon or a spa and spend hundreds of dollars on this regime, or you can do it yourself for the cost of the plastic wrap.

Keep in mind, some body wrap material is made from Polyvinyl chloride (PVC) which can leach out harmful substances that have been linked to not-so-good effects on the liver, spleen and kidneys. PVC is also linked to cancer. Some wraps are dipped in mineral products, some may contain aluminum-which is linked to Alzheimer’s. Wait, what?

Diet Pills.     Medical Pills

Back in the 80’s our diet pills were white with little crosses and beautiful black capsules. We never wanted to eat when we took these. We could also paint the house, write a novel, have gorilla sex for hours (well, the women could, different effect on the men…) run a marathon and have the coolest tingle when we scratched our scalp – all this in about four hours. We called it speed. Doctors prescribed them, lots of people became addicted to them, eventually they became illegal and then we grew up.

With the 90’s came the holistic side of weight loss. Herbs and supplements were all the rage. Nothing approved by the FDA so you took your chances with what was actually in one of those brown capsules. In 1997 I watched a news video on an herbal diet supplement that was working for many people. The same amount of people became violently ill while taking them. The news reporter took one of those capsules and placed it in a glass of body temperature water. After a minute or two these living organisms started swimming around looking for food. Yep. When you took this supplement, you were ingesting teeny, tiny bugs that ate the food after you did. Yum. The vitamin stores and supermarket shelves were stocked full of over the counter weight loss supplements, some as high as $40 for a 30 day supply. The main ingredient? Caffeine. A pot of coffee would have been cheaper.

Here is my personal favorite:

The Balloon Pill:    stock-photo-35946276-deflated-balloon

Swallow a capsule containing a deflated balloon. A three foot tube is attached to the balloon sitting in your stomach. The end of this tiny tube is hanging out of your mouth. The physician inflates the balloon sitting in your stomach, taking up valuable food space so you feel full and don’t eat as much. You swallow three of these for a “treatment.” Imagine this: three inflated balloons inside your stomach. Three glasses of water before a meal could do the same thing. The inflated balloons remain in your belly for six months. They are deflated and removed. In the cautionary statement, it says this is for use by adults who are also willing to follow a diet and exercise program. But, but…

While I am positive I will receive comments from people who will say these weight loss thingys worked for them – and I don’t doubt for some it has.

I am here to tell you the ABSOLUTE secret for weight loss, healthy bodies, peaceful minds and blue auras is this:

Ready? Wait for it…

CALORIES IN⇔CALORIES OUT

If you consume more calories than you burn, you will gain weight.

If you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight.

Losing weight and becoming healthier is not something you do. It’s something you change to be. It is a lifestyle change. You can be a couch potato and eventually shrivel up, grow creepy eyes and die, or you can get off your butt and move. I can show you how.

*Before starting, attempting, scheduling, ordering or ingesting anything weight loss related, please contact your physician or healthcare provider for advice.